Journal 3. The Fool

My love band "Warpaint" has released their new album The Fool on October 1th. I hate myself for noticing the news so slow that I can't download and listen to it at the first moment.
Two hours before, I was browsing the White Rabbit Recored's FB pages, then I found that they post a song by Warpaint which I have never listened before. As I read the content closely, I realized that it was the new song from their brand new album. I can't hide my joyful mood for I　love their last album Exquisite Corpse very much.
For me, Warpaint is the symbol of "woman power", their music is strong and intense, or even violent. They are good at creating the atmosphere of mystery. Sometimes they just give me a sense that they are fairies living in the deepest woods but always hiding their faces under a wolf mask.


I listened to their music for almost a whole year, and I think the main reason that I love them so much is because they all are girls! And each of them were very talent. One of their favorite trick was to "switch place". Like they all can sing and play guitar. So for every different song they can change vocal or have two singers.
Now I'm going to post the first song of The Fool here. It is called "Undertow".
It's powerful and shocked. and I think it's good for heart-breaking people.

Journal 02.3 Dance.

I have two sad stories to tell. One is from a movie I saw today in our picture book class. In the beginning of the movie, a mother asked Max (her son) to tell a story, so Max answered “There are lots of building. Some of them are tall, and some of them are just common buildings. And there are Vampires either. One of Vampire was very eager to destroy the tallest building. So he started to fight. He conquered the tallest building, but he also started to cry loudly. Other vampires asked him
“Why are you crying?”
“I broke all my teeth!” say the crying vampire.
“But they are all your temporary teeth.”
“No. they are my grown-up teeth.”
Other vampires didn’t say a single word anymore because they understand that a vampire could not be a vampire anymore if he doesn’t have teeth. And they finally left him behind. And the sounds of cry never stop.”
The movie was based on a story called “Where the Wild Things are”, which was illustrated by Maurice Sendak. Though I didn’t see the last part of the movie( I fell asleep haha), I do love the background music. Maybe I’ll start looking for its soundtrack later on.
I heard the other sad story from my lover. A sad story he has post on his Facebook page before. “There is a kind of bird which doesn’t have legs in the world. So it can only keep flying in the sky without taking rest on the ground. It can’t land on the ground so whenever it feels tired; it only can rest in the wind. For this kind of bird, it has the only chance to land on the ground. A chance that coming with its death.”
The story was actually coming from the movie “Days of Being Wild (阿飛正傳)”, which directed by the famous Wang-Kar-Wai. And the touching and sad story was the lines from Leslie Will. For my lover, he told me that this was the part he loved best in the movie.
Though I feel sorry for these two stories, the process of rethink sad stories reminds me of the other “happy story” called “Honey Pie” (it is very easy for us to think the upside when pondering things deeply, right?). I can barely remember the plot of “Honey Pie” expect for scenes like bears dancing hand in hand happily in the forest. The story was from the book All God's Children Can Dancn by Haruki Murakami. And he also wrote the other book called Dance, Dance, Dance. I especially love the word “dance”, so let me name this journal entry “Dance”.

Journal 02.2 My Plants Are Dead.

Lately, Blonde Redhead’s significance in my heart has increase violently. They served as romanticists who influenced me greatly on both emotional and mental degree.

On the night of October 2th, with their coming to Lagacy (a huge concert hall in Huashan1914 Creative park), we got higher and higher. Their music was the most sensational kind that I’ve ever heard. I would like use words like sticky, moist, heavy, warm, tender but and a little bit squeamish to describe their music. Kazu (the vocal) was extremely beautiful and charming. It was very proper to define her as the goddess in dream pop. On the concert I met two foreign girls, and they told me the story between Kazu and the other two male band member. Kazu came from Japan with the mystery of eastern world, Amedeo and Simone Pace (twins) were born in Milan, Italy, and grew up in Montreal. After twins moving to Boston and study in New York, they met Kazu. On their journey of music, Kazu married one of them, and they made Blonde Redhead as sweet as their love story.

Actually we did a little trick, or you can say “an adventure”, just to get closer to Kazu. My lover leaded us passing through a huge crowd. We did “cut in a line” when we got into the hall. But we got the best view.I just wanted to say Blonde Redhead really sparked my life after listening to their new-releasing album Penny Sparkle and the concert on 10/2.

My lover sent me a bouquet of white campanulaceae and made his confession to me on that particular night. Now, the show has already ended for almost half a month, and the white campanulaceae also withered away. And from all of BR’s song, I especially love the one which is called “My Plants Are Dead”. and here is the video for all of you.

Journal 02.1 Yes.

Yes, yes. You are extremely right. I am in love. I am loved by someone special recently. I involved into the relationship deeply. And because of the changing relationship (which comes very fast and unexpectedly), I decided to change my journal writing strategy. My life changed a lot. Hence, from now on I will cut each my journals into many little entries since I have too many things to tell. And I would not tell everything in detail for two reasons. One is because of course I want to keep some of my private secrets, and besides, in my heart I always feel that if you tell some beautiful things in very detail ( like you tear it apart and analyze it thoroughly), it won’t be beautiful anymore. Maybe that is why sometimes we have to keep so many things in secret diary. That’s why we have secrets, that’s the charms of mystery.

m

once in a minute

twice in a moment

but not even once in a thousand years

Journal 01.1

I am a person who addicted to music very much. And of course I love to go to live concert. For me, watching live is the commonest activity that I would choose when I am free, since some live show not only make me feel relaxing but also very exciting. Except of beautiful melody, sometime I even can get energy from the passion of audience and the excellent performances of musicians. Thus, I want to talk about live concerts that I watched recently.
The first show was the debut of “Sugarpill”. The leader of Sugarpill was my good friend “Po”. He was a talented boy! He set up the band, became the leader, composed every song and even in charge of lyrics and singing parts. Since last year, Po never stop creating songs to make his band became stronger. They first won the first prize of Golden Melody award in National Chengchi University. Then, Po and his band participated in a music contest hold by The Wall, a famous live house, in order to gain the opportunity to perform in The Wall. Soon, they held their debut on 16th night. Since they were just a brand new band, we fans can only heard demo versions of their songs. Therefore, I felt extremely exciting before the show. Out of surprise, their music is very mature. There were no signs to show the all band members were merely twenty years old. The only disadvantage was that the sound of mics were too small. Sometimes I can barely hear Po’s voice. What a pity!
During the show, I especially love two songs, one is “Eleanor” and the other song is called “The Way You Deceive Me”. According to Po, Eleanor was the name of his first girlfriend. Hence, his wanted to make Eleanor as beautiful as his first love. I like the last two lines “We were waiting for the train also the dream we had; we were waiting for the rain also the dream we had traced.” Every time I listen to these two lines, I can tell how deep his missed the memory of his first love. As for the other song, I just love the melody. Po’s melody always made me feel comfortable and warm. As a result, whenever he sent me a new demo, I would keep listening to that particular song for a whole night. No Kidding!

Journal 01

To me, this is summer is a very, very special summer, since two little cute rascals came into my life. They are my new pets, my dear babies, the two little kitties whose names are Hei-hei and Kuai-kuai(黑黑與塊塊). My uncle’s cat Chiau-chiau, an orange wild cat, is their mother. Chiau-chiau was not a well-behaved cat. It was impossible for her to stay at home all day long. She liked to play with other neighborhood cats outside the door. Soon, she got pregnant and gave birth to five little kitties. After our two months long observation, we chose Hei-hei and Chiau-chiau to join our family since both of them were very healthy and looked very cute. Most important of all, their personalities such as their temper and self-control are better than other little cats.
During the whole summer vacation, they served as my best companions. Though I still had to deal with some little troubles like cleaning litter box for them, or helping them to take a shower, I enjoyed most of time when be with them. Actually, I think the most difficult part was the shower time, for they feared water and hair dryer very much. Whenever I opened the water tap, they would totally freak out no matter how careful I was. Then, the situation would get out of control. They would become very crazy and uncontrollable. And they would leave me some scars on my poor arms when every time I tried to rein them. But I never angry at them for hurting me, deep in my heart, I know cats will never act like a good kid. It is best for them to grow happily without any pressure. I really love them. My dear babies- Hei-hei and Chiau-chiau.

生而在世，我現在沒有到真的很抱歉只是覺得有一點抱歉，但我想很快應該就會變成我非常非常抱歉了八
我們因為太在乎你們這些，所謂任何一切的事物，不管與我們有關或無關，不管是因為我們造成的還是不是，所以我們很抱歉
我們因在乎所有一切，而減少了愛自己的份量，因所有力氣就只有那麼多，所以在乎人的時候只好銳減愛自己，也就是自私的力量
雖然我不懂為什麼太在乎人、事的我們比較吃虧，但就是這樣吧，這就是老實，這就是呆版，這就是從小我們學到的循規蹈矩，這就是我們一切在世的命運

我又盯著天花板，緩緩的，優雅的哭了。今天眼淚濕濕黏黏的。腦帶想著這些不到二十四小時之內獲得的種種故事，就可以緩緩的優雅的開始哭了。我想著綠、初美姐、玲子姐、很正經的開玩笑、直子、直子內心的夢、女學生、小個子女生、還有濕潤還有不同形式的接吻、夢境、跟身體曲線、誰是誰的與外界連接點誰跟身共同分享一個相同的死、渡邊死掉的記憶、渡邊被迫成長、還有海莉與伊莉、歪掉一邊的蛋糕、precious、草原杉木林、騙了哪個漁夫還有海鷗、綠的可笑直接還有卑微卻堅強，想著這些我就可以緩緩的優雅的哭了。
我又邊哭邊分析我哭的形式和過程了。

想著瘋掉的人或許很痛苦，但又知道而且明瞭有些人不管有多無奈或混亂也永遠不可能瘋掉這樣也是非常痛苦。

欸，怎麼會這樣，
我跟你們所有的人都一樣，一樣非常非常非常的喜歡挪威的森林哦，真的。而且最接近清晨天亮的這個時刻真的是好孤獨阿。我又沒有威士忌可以喝真他媽的。

看電影的時候真正聽到Norwegian wood的時候應該會非常非常的心痛八。哭。

一切sensation都乾涸了我要哭了。為什麼沒有任何想要說的。

連下載了guitar都不想聽。
在乎每一件事情可以算是認真的活著嗎？心裡更本就知道沒有一件事情是適合我做的，但我卻每一件都做了。你們會說這是挑戰吶，青春就是要挑戰，才會精采吶，我知道阿，所以我每一件都做了。但就算做了我也不會變成適合做這些事情的人吶，並不會。

所有的女生都該美過一次，然後看著婚紗照我又想哭了

listening you

如果治癒了一百個人之後也能有一個人來治癒我，這樣就好了

所有指揮家都捏著它們的小指揮棒們跳舞跳了一輩子

就算在唱了一整天的歌和跳了舞以後，半夜還是得一個人認真聽音樂。
我們今天都還是再繼續維持我們的苟延殘喘，喘著唱阿愛情吶阿喜歡吶阿你的愛就像彩虹吶。
而在這一碰就碎就裂就斷的狀況之下唯有控制與調節才能使我們繼續生存。
調節我們說愛的時候可以大聲的說我好愛好愛，再說不愛的時候也可以立刻完全不愛。
今天，很抱歉，我想我必須一個人跳舞，你走吧。
左撇子的男人進到店裡來射了三隻飛鏢。是帽子。你走吧。

就算再唱了一整癲的歌和跳了摀以後，半夜還是必須一個人認真的聽音阅。你走吧。

「好像用奇怪的姿勢你都能感到很舒服齁？」向懸崖跑來的孩子問我。
「對阿，但這不代表一直仰著頭在懸崖下望著懸崖上的你也很舒服哦」

我已經在你面前一個個拔下所有耳環，道歉、還有最低姿態
現在只能等到我們之間所有的連結點都被剪斷。
我會往北走，然後下次我會挑個可以在上面轉圈跳舞有徐徐微風的草原，絕對不會再想攀爬另一面冷酷懸崖。

all imperfect love song, 中段
我們一起哭吧笨蛋，哭得慘兮兮的臉都花了那樣最棒喏

告訴我我還能吞下什麼，在我慢慢回復逐漸壯大的時候
一點一滴，像在撥開最薄的每一層葉子的皮，
薄到連翠綠都要變成透明。
每撕開一次，都會尖叫三次，
但幸好電子的重拍，還有騎士的馬蹄都不會停。

甜井

大家都說很害怕掉井裡面，因為裡面好深好深，掉進去了就只能等死了。但說不定井水很甜是口甜井吶。

a horse, a horse, a kingdom of horse



哇嗚我在不同的地方各放了一個sparkleshorse一切怎麼不都變好sparkling呢科科

heard melodies are sweet,
but those unheard are sweeter



哎呀現在無法知道那些還沒聽見的有多美好。反正努力聽就是了
我跟家家很喜歡i and village，裡面有大羊跟一整隻羊。但我想放飛起來親嘴這張。

我終於知道那張森林的白羊從哪裡來的了，從川內輪子，你家的視覺藝術家粉絲團那邊來的。原來我不僅存了他還拿來當顯圖，原來這麼跟隨你的行蹤連我自己也沒發現，還以為是從zabu拍來的了。所以說他的照片被貼在雜鋪了，還是我最喜歡的那張，但偏偏你這麼討厭雜鋪。哎呀，多麼不巧。
多麼不巧，這個夜晚又有一隻貓貓死了。
沒錯阿我不會因為你巧合剛好湊巧知道了一就自作多情的告訴你另外二三四。我不會告訴你我喜歡的歌與團伴隨著某種程度在聆聽當下的情緒還有階段，還有事件跟回憶。草葉集很重要，但我不會告訴你那些在我心中定位的see in you, into the blue, the light, sad eye和知更蘭的關係。我也不會告訴你atlas sound和sylvia plath的關系。哦哦還有the great gig in the sky, 還有傅魯格都是在你那裡的發現的。還有你的過去曾經放過the strongest man in the world當背景音樂我也打過網誌,還有elliott, 甚至zooey。算了拉，還有很多，只是你不會知道也不會再意就是了。

我覺得我不應該再稱呼自己為陳黑羊了，應該要叫白羊，我變得跟黑夜太要好，應該要再回來跟白天當朋友才是。看到很多東西都令我很難過，例如這張美好的纏綿照。我覺得我可以感受到他們相愛，就算他們事實上不是戀人，但在拍照的那個當下他們很相愛。但我不覺得我們相愛，因為我們做愛時你絕對不會親吻我任何地方，其實你更本就很少親我，不是相隔兩地的問題，是我們根本不相愛。其實我都不記得我們怎麼樣開始的，我只覺得常常你連衣服都懶得幫我脫，你只是躺在那，然後看著我，就這樣。剛開始我還以為我們很契合，後來發現我只是活在我的幻想裡面，和蘇西跟Cecilia一樣。

雙胞胎說得很對，我們可以在這邊很自溺。反正我本來就很自溺，自溺到可能你們都會覺得我很做作。但你在這邊看到什麼就要假裝你什麼都沒看到除非你真的有認真的話要跟我說。你可以對我說話，但我可能不會回答你，而且你要很溫柔不可以再生氣了。其實你不會想要去找你的真愛嗎？就是你真的會死心塌地愛她的人，你會真的渴望她，思念他，想要占有她，可能說得太強烈了，但至少要有起碼一點點這樣的感覺吧。我不是那個人，我很遺憾我不是，但也沒辦法，反正我以前不會是現在不會是以後也還是不會是。

我不管看到什麼其實我都覺得很難過，我很難過因為我很明瞭就算我很無謂的堅持下去等到最後我們就算可以待在一起我也不會開心。我只要一想到萬一我以後的枕邊人每天晚上睡覺都會背對著我我就會覺得天阿好難過哦我才不想要這樣。所以我看julie & julia我覺得很難過因為他們的丈夫都如此溫柔體貼，我看蘇西的世界好難過因為我覺得現實好殘酷喔就跟我的現實一樣，我看戀夏五百我也覺得好難過喔因為你們都在扮演summer的角色所以你們都不會知道不是summer的那個角色有多痛苦折騰。我看到沉知杰每天和陳冠良膩在一起我也覺得很難過，我看到路上有情侶騎機車環抱的很緊我也覺得很難過，雖然這我們也有，但我看見我就可以明瞭到他們很相愛但更深刻的發覺我們一點也不相愛。我是陳知敏，我現在二十歲，而我的愛情不應該是如此，就算我沒有愛情我也應該要是個快樂開朗精彩的女孩，而有愛情的話應該也是要還不錯部用多深刻但至少要可以宣揚他告訴大家說欸我跟你們說我有一個男朋友，然後我很喜歡他她也很喜歡我，我們很不錯。

我們已經很陌生了，所以在更陌生一點應該也沒有關係吧。他們說就算當不成情人也要當最好的朋友。這樣感覺很心痛，就像很相愛但卻因為某種差錯所以被迫分離只能當朋友。但我們更本部是這樣。我們絕對不會當朋友連客套說句哈囉的都不會。

想想上次感受到一點點竊喜的感覺應該是十二月你要走的那個晚上。可能你吶天的話只是隨便說說，你說你喜歡我的哪些點我也忘的差不多了，但我還是會記得你給了我石頭也給了我項鍊。但那之後好像一切又都不是了都不算了。你回來之前我們不會像其他正常的情侶一樣興奮的倒數。連說欸我要回去了耶或黑你就要回來了耶好開心哦這種話都沒有哦。我見到你的那一天也一點激動的情緒都沒有，就是這麼重要的事情但完全沒有任何的機動或是感動。

我知道你最討厭別人沒事好好的硬要扯些有的沒的整天沒事幹就只會想要抱怨。但我們之間最根本的問題就是一切都太平淡，沒有壞，但是也完全沒有好，一點意義也沒有。但我的抱怨應該會永無止盡一直下去吧，因為我想抱怨的永遠也講不完，因為我們之間永遠也不會改變。

我還記得我去苗栗看到後龍的星星和風車的那種激動。腦袋裡只是一直想說他媽的好想要跟李凱翔來，好想要他也能看到，好想要他回來的時候叫他帶我來，因為那是我活到目前為止最美最令人嘆為觀止的景象。做回小咪車上時又覺得反正一切都不可能，兒最後也果真如此。回來十天見了大概五天。而你說剛回來的幾天很有意義很充實做很多事情，但後幾天很無聊無浪費。但跟我待在一起的時候沒錯阿是後幾天。

有的時候我真的覺得很不開心。因為沒有這樣失敗過。

我們用美麗的心看美麗的畫面

Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking

Sweetness, sweetness I was only joking
When I said I'd like to smash every tooth
In your head

所以Lilikoi大概是個很可愛的男孩吧，過著很精采生活的可愛男孩。

I want to be a lilikoi boy lilikoi
You grind your claws, you howl growl
Unafraid of all colour
You run, you're free, you climb and dress trees
You reignite
You growl, you howl, you show your teeth
You bite, it's alright

I look into your eyes
Diving into the ocean
I look into your eyes
Falling
Like a wall of stars
We are ripe to fall
And if we are a ghost
I’ll call your name again
And if you are a ghost
I’ll call your name
You, always

So long, My ｌｏｖｅ
There must always be an end
But all our love, and life, and song
Carries on, I carry it on
Now the lightships are guiding you over the sea
And the lightships are sailing you away from me
Over the edge of the world
The edge of the world, over the edge
But I carry you on, I carry you on, and I carry on







你們說，馬來西亞產錫，
所以你送了我一個很醜的錫幣項鍊。

Honeybee，你現在又飛回去了，要很久以後才會飛回來
是什麼樣的季節阿讓我們繞了一圈
再回來的路上木棉花樹們被風吹的腰都彎了，我看見他們之中的兩株又沉又重摔在地上，
阿還有好多關於我們一起走過的這些路程吶...

这么大的房间少了
我也不想再去探索舌么
反正不直得
反正知更蓝也不美了

雪鳥

冰在河裡的碎片雖然很慘忍但真的也很美

Honeybee,
我們一起穿越白霧,寒風,還有煙灰...

你現在飛過來了,但你之後又會飛走了。

真高興遇到你
只因在我心裡的空虛中
仍然隱藏著和你相遇而產生的痛楚和苦澀
我才一直活著。
還意味著什麼？
是愛嗎？（我想這應該不是愛吧）





我這個軀殼裡迴響著一種聲音
是你珊珊走來的共鳴
這超越了一切語言
真高興遇到你
只因在我心裡的空虛中
仍然隱藏著和你相遇而產生的痛楚和苦澀



長い道は　曲がって　ここへ来てる
その先にも続く
時だけが　静かに刻んだ
大人になりかけて　やめてしまった
心の内側で
何枚もの　鏡を見つけた
あなたに会う喜び
あなたに会う切なさより苦しいのは
まだ私の心の中に
空虚な石が潜むから
生きていくためだけに　生まれてきた
他に意味があるの
それが何か　愛という言葉か
道の端で破れたポスターに書かれてる言葉に目をやる
「愛はここに　神はあなたの中に」
そこで途切れてる
宇宙の先、魂の果てで
この肉体の中から
響きが生まれて
あなたに辿り着いて
共鳴する　言葉の意味を超えてひろがる
あなたに会う喜び
あなたに会う切なさより苦しいのは
まだ私の心の中に
空虚な石が潜むから

Shelia

we don't want to die alone,
so we together die alone.

3326,
請把我最沉痛的詛咒帶給他。

FUCK YOU!!!!
LET　GO OF ME!!!!



好想變成沒有表情的機器人只會對重拍有反應，我不想要再有知覺了，只要讓我聽得懂音樂就好了

這種時候就是要很慘忍的告訴自己這世界什麼也沒辦法改變

每次想逃離時、再也不能承受時，都會想要聽周莉莉
我真的也很想要自己一個人佇立在那大家都不會看見我阿。

so why you hold me tight
if you don't feel right?

i never get drunk,
until once you filled my mouth up with gin wine when we were kissing.




Kess came around with a needle and a thread said "Let’s saw your heart up"
"it’s been aching and bleeding for too long and after all it’s such a pretty heart"
this damned sweet revenge of mine didn’t taste as sweet as I thought
so come lay down by my side and sing like the fools we are

凱斯拿著針與線來到我旁邊，說著，來巴。我們把你的心縫起來。
它已經疼痛流血太久了，但畢竟它還是一顆很美麗的心阿。
這該死又甜蜜的復仇，好像嚐起來並沒有我想像中的甜，
算了來巴，躺在我身邊巴然後和我一起一樣像笨蛋一樣唱歌巴，反正我們本來就跟笨蛋一樣阿。

Kess came around with a mirror and some gin, wiped the tears of my chin said
‘Let’s get you out of this suit of sin, let’s get drunk and sing’

凱斯拿著鏡子還有一些杜松子酒來到我面前，並且擦掉我下巴上的眼淚，然後說著，
來巴，讓我們把你從這身罪惡的衣/從前過失的衣拉出來。來巴，讓我們一起唱歌一起醉巴。

溫暖的血阿，我們今天都很需要。
the hardest day ever吶...

我們可以在這邊很自溺，
在乎自己。

這是狼狼的開始

好想要開始用blogger那,可是無名是我自己是從頭到尾阿是我的愛阿。我該如何是好呢。

我一點也不想要寫功課，我想要想一大堆秘密探索我自己。

我是狼男孩，我喜歡狼，這是狼之歌。